September

New month, sane old problems, September... what will you bring?

1st: Health, bit achy, thumping headache. Issues going on (cant metion them) but....

Waiting on calls 😩

Not knowing whats happening 😩

Not knowing how to proceed 😩

Just need contact thats all, just a reply to an email, a quick text.

2nd: My back is killing me this morning but I have got things to do. Not too sure how I will manage but lets see shall we.

Been a long and stressful day, with wmotions pulled from one way to the other.

Put my head on the pillow tried to close my eyes, couldn't. Gonna be a long night. Cone on tablets make me drowsy... please  

5th: Not been update to my blog last few days due to my Dad being in hospital, sadly he passed away this morning. I wasnt there when he passed, I wanted to be, I am sort of beating myself up for it, but it was out of my control. I think he went when he did so I didn't see it, he knew what I was like when Mum passed. I will miss my Dad. I feel hollow at the moment, not sure where my mind is, but I do have some good friends who are there for me such as Neil, Hannah, Juliet, Simon and others. Also my sister and my brother in law, wouldnt get through this without them, love you both.

Dad is with the family now, at peace and peobably having arguments with one or two of them!

The next few weeks will be stressful too, sorting things out. 

My physical health seems to be not affectihg me too badly, just a few twinges and aches, its almost as if my physical issues are giving my mind space to concentrate and process.

12th: Sorry for lack of updates, with one thing an another. Right hip playing up.

Wednesday: Owch, after xray, being put into different positions to have various ones taken.... Owch.

Need to get milk, then get to doctors to pick up one item of prescription.

Edit: went to SA1 to pick it up, only to discover it had been sent to the chemist in Winch Wen 🙄

Yesterday: my doctor phoned at 9:30pm to see how I was doing. Wasn't expecting a call from her at that time of day!

Today: need to pop to chemist and to Llanelli Town Hall

13th: A bit achy, in rhe evening felt very low, not good at all. I myst try to be strong, not easy thing for me to do. Feel lije staying in bed.

14th: Stayed in bed until around noon, just didnt feel like getting up. Feel empty and down. Right hip plating up and neck too.

15th: Feeling strange, cant seem to sleep right, annoyed about it. Right hip also not helping and lower back kills, weather making me feel depressed too... I need some sun.

After the solicitor phoned today I headed for a snooze for half hour, over 5 hours later woke up again 🙄 there went the day

16th: I should get out if bed - I've got asthma clinic at 9:40am.... but am nice and warm in bed 🙄

Got to asthma clinic, nurse is happy, calls to make some other things to sort.

17th: Another night when I couldn't sleep 😩, feeling cold but must take car for it's service, so must go out, feeling very achy too  

18th: Just a little longer in bed.... didnt sleep too good, but am comfortable, you watch will nod off now.... right hip a bit achy and lower back too

Not being able to sleep properly is pi$$ing me off, I can lay there for hours, and then nod off just when I think of just having half hour, then that turns into three to five. Feel so fed up. Since loosing my father on 5th september, had anyone got any tips to help? I've tried keeping all electronics in the living room and out of the bedroom, with window open and closed, with aur cleaner turned on and off, drinking warm milk before bed too.

19th: I think I slept, need more, got gas check this morning so must get up. Neck, shoulders top of back and right hip hurting, and my mind feels like its been wandering again.

20th: Been a day of sleep on and off, very achy with it, its also been a soggy day too.

21st: Right hip hurting along with shoulders, neck and back. Went to the house today with Neil, a few hours shreading and sorting bits.

Tomorrow got to go to the funeral directors in Burry Port, as the day has gone on feeling more and more down, I guess that's normal?

Next week also need to sort out seeing the solicitor... joy of joys.

22nd: 00.42- Every time I close my eyes I see what's still to be gone through at Dad's house and it's a daunting thought, also going to see the funeral directors, the solicitor and the funeral.... guess more sleepless nights are on the cards. I don't want to take anything to help me sleep as I guess I need to feel these things.

I just don't know..., all I do know is I have some good friends who are there for me, and my sister and her family in some respect too.

06:35 - Didn't sleep much, feel sick this morning, and my back hurts. Feel drained. Must get myself together, not going to be an easy day.

23rd: Not long up, a bit achy, but things to do at my fathers house.... It is draining me doing this but it has to be done. 

Yesterday I mived things around in my flat to make room for a nest of tables.... which totally knackered me! I must stop pushing myself too much.

24th: Neck and shoulders killing and feeling sick too. Need to go back to the house again today, seeing solicitor and also Delta Wellbeing collecting lifeline thingy.

Still feeling a bit down after dropping the urn that Mum's ashes were in (it was empty, they were scattered years ago) , was going to have Dads ashes put in it. 

EDIT: My fibro seema to be getting worse... is that normal?

25th: Hardly slept last night, got Nero today, having lazy one, Nero don't seem to mind one bit. Back to the house tomorrow. Must sleep later!

26th: Feeling decidedly off centre as the days go by, next week is Dad's funeral, trying to stay focused is becoming more and more difficult. Back, neck and left hip in agony today, but must push on. I need to go up to the house and do some more there so I will be able to close the door on that chapter next week.

28th: Didnt post a blog update yesterday, was having a down day.

Feeling a bit off today, and achy in parts, but must push on.

Been to Dad's house with Nero and Hannah, hadnto put recycling out, got mine to put out later.

Is it right to feel overwhelmed and swamped by peoples love and best wishes? thats how I feel. I have to get through the week ahead somehow, and be strong. I feel like shutting myself away, but I won't - need to get through it Thank you everyone for being there 💖💕

29th: Guess I better get out of bed, lots to do today. A bit achy, and I've been sick in the night.

30th: Off to Dad's house again this morning, last day going there tomorrow (I hope) ahead of the funeral. Few people popping by to pick things up.

Not feeling too good though, sick and achy, empty with it, not a nice feeling at all.

Trying to keep busy.... kind of not working that good 😥