Philip (Phil) England

Since the Covid-19 situation started, my mental health has been all over the place, a roller coaster ride of ups and downs. Now that things are looking like they are easing I am scared, frightened to be mixing with people. The friend I am in a bubble has noticed that I have changed. I am not sure I can mix with people again, my mind is not up to it, I am not sure I know how to properly anymore.  As daft as it sounds, I think being social for me is out of the question. I am scared to be social in person with people out in the world. Scared I will catch something, scared I can't get on any more, scared I can't live life again. I feel like I will be trapped in my mind when everyone else is venturing out in to the wide world to live again. I have breathing issues, blood pressure problems and depression, all of which Covid has impacted and amplified. Attempting to go to shops to get fresh produce that I really like to choose my self has led to shortness of breath and panic attacks

I was standing in the kitchen waiting for the kettle to boil, with my walking stick in hand, looking out the window, I had a feeling of emptiness as I stood. I made my tea, went out in to the hall, cuppa in hand, sat on the sofa feeling down, until Smokie jumped up and meowed at me then started purring - bless him. I have a friend, Su, who has lost her cat Minnie. Seems she may have wandered off, but I have noticed a number of black cats that have gone missing lately around Swansea. I have been talking to Smokie, and thinking. I do think Smokie needs to be with her. At Su's Smokie can go outside to frolic in the 🌞 sun and be company for her.  While it pains me to have to give him up, I feel it will be best for him in the long run. He has his toys and his boxes what would go with him, with familiar smells on them, I could still spoil him lots.  I think I need a dog so I have a reason for going out and get gentle exercise. I have tried twice to put Smokie on a harness, wasn't a