September 2026

Let's do September then.....

1st: New month, and no change. Feeling very down and very achy too. As it comes up to the anniversary of my father's passing on the 5th, I didn't really expect anything less, I just have to try to do what I can when I can.

EDIT - Still in bed, went to get out of it and my knee went weak, so been doing some exercises. It took a while but FINALLY managed it!

EDIT 2 - J&J Motors phoned, car booked in for service on Thursday 9am.

2nd: 2:10am - Woke up with a bad stomach, and the runs... also thumping headache and back in agony. Feeling very down.

7:40am - Achy from head to toe, stomach seems to have settled though thank goodness and no more runs. I can hear its raining again... making me want to pee.

EDIT - Just about got out of bed only took 40mins, sat on my bath board and had a shower with the plug in the bath so my feet had a nice soak - feel totally knackered now though.... that's what Fibromyalgia does to you!

3rd: 1am - Woken up sweating, not feeling too great, feel a bit confused. I'm looking forward to going up to see Hannah and Nero later, yet feeling low and a bit emotional too. Earlier I was sick, something that happens a lot when I seem to get overwhelmed in life. I wonder if Fibromyalgia can amplify feelings like it does pain?. I need to get more sleep.

6am - Woke up before the alarm, feeling very emotional and was sick again, having a rethink, will go to garage first, come back to flat then put fuel in and head off, will give stomach a chance to settle down.

10am - Been to garage, car ok except battery needs topping up, its 1/3 where it should be, but as long drive ahead that will put charge back in. Theres a Suzuki garage in Derby that I can call, explain whats what and they should get me in to check it over.

4th: Slept well, Nero was on my feet when I woke up. Bit of an achy neck but am awake, well, sort of.

Evening Update - Was out in Swadlingcote earlier, saw a print of 'The Haywaine' by Constable, was one of Dad's favorite pictures, seeing that dragged me down, then I decided to sit on a bench when Hannah and Neil went in to a hardware store, I noticed I was sat opposite a funeral directors..... hmmmm, more thoughts.

5th: 3am (ish) - woke up feeling short of breath and a little drained. I need to get my memories out today, they may help in future. 

I remember being phoned by the hospital at about 4am on the day my father passed away, telling me to get in as soon as I could, they asked if I wanted to phone my sister to let her know. I pushed that decision back on to them, I wasn't strong enough to make it, and it took me too long to get sorted out to get there. I know I have my health issues but still. 

I find this a failure on my part.

9:10am - Feeling very headachy and stuffy, exhausted even though I have not done anything. Achy too, especially shoulders and top of back.

It was about 9am on 5th that my Dad passed away, was stuck in traffic and got to the hospital late, never forget my brother in law meeting me in the nain corridor of the hospital, taking me outside into the garden. He didn't need to say a single word, I think I knew when I pulled in to the carpark and found a space to park, almost as if my Dad had sorted it.

It's been a tough year, and won't get easier any time soon.